Felix turns one month today. 28 days ago at 12.08 this little person finally arrived. It's now hard to remember life without him.
We drove home from my mother's house yesterday afternoon through Spitalfields and looked out at the crowds of people milling in the bright sunshine, standing outside the pubs pints in hand nattering away with gangs of mates. With a newborn strapped into the car seat all this real life outside the car seemed oddly distant. Although newborns sleep a lot so theoretically its easy to be out and about with a baby, what we've found is that actually we wanted to put our little one into some kind of safe baby bubble for the first few weeks. At the start in between feeding and changing you just spend hours gazing at them, amazed that you actually created something so amazing. Their soft milky smell, their luminous eyes as they start to open and focus on the world and their incredible ability to unlock deep feelings of protection and love, it's really like nothing else.
It's also scary - babies cry, it's what they do but are they in pain? What can you do? Leave them to cry it out, pick them up and hug it out? It's sometimes feels relentless as each day at the start is fairly identical and days merge into nights with no let-up.
But despite being pee-ed on, poo-ed on, vomited on and "sleeping" in small chunks of time I just look down at his tiny trusting face each morning and it's worth it, I wouldn't change any of it.